This week’s question comes from a sports Mom who wants to protect her daughter: 

My daughter is a freshman on the Varsity basketball team. She loves it, but I am worried I am putting her in harm's way by letting her play. She is aggressive and she always ends up on the floor and covered in bruises after a game. I think she puts a lot of pressure on herself to play well. I’m afraid something bad will happen to her, and it just seems like I can’t keep her safe. 

Her coach tells her she needs her to stay in the game, but I question if she should still be in. It seems like the coach cares more about winning than my kid, but I know that isn't really true. My daughter says she wants to keep playing and not sit out. I get being a team player and wanting to win, but I am not sure I should let her keep playing, I just can’t relax and enjoy the game because I’m nervous that she will get hurt the whole time. I just don’t know how to relax about this. - Amanda in Missouri

Our brains are hardwired to keep us safe and, as a parent, your brain also wants to keep your children safe. You may have heard other moms warning that their “Inner Mama Bear” will come out. This part is a primitive instinct. Nothing has gone wrong that you want to protect your daughter from harm.

Even though your inner mama bear is ready to intervene, you still get to decide how you want to think about this situation and choose how you want to proceed. Just honoring that it is completely human to have these kinds of protective thoughts and feelings and holding some space for that fierce mom protector inside you allows you to decide what to do next from a clean place.

Take a step back, pause, and determine if your child is really in danger or not. Is this part of a normal game? Does your daughter need you to step in at this point? Given what you have shared, it appears you may have already asked her and she has told you she wants to keep playing. Knowing that information, you can then decide how you want to manage your own thinking during these games.

If you decide to intervene with your daughter or her coach, be sure you know exactly why you are getting involved. In other words, make sure you like your reasons for doing so. 

Your inner mama bear wants to be helpful, and it’s OK to consider this inner voice. But then also check in with your higher brain. While you can honor the mama bear’s intent, you may not want to let that side of you take the lead in conversations. 

And, when you are feeling nervous during the game, keep in mind that the gameplay itself isn’t creating this nervousness, it’s how you are thinking about the game. Notice what you are telling yourself when you are feeling nervous and question those thoughts. 

As you notice your thinking in these moments, decide which thoughts are serving you and which ones aren’t. Every game is an opportunity for you to decide how you want to show up as a parent while you witness your child learning and growing on the court.

Have a question for a Master Certified Coach? Send your questions to kari@heykarianne.com OR submit via the “Ask Kari” page at heykarianne.com.